Mike, you need new jeans and pants as yours don’t fit you well, Mike you need new shirts, Mike you need a new coats, new shoes, new socks, Mike your underpants have holes in them, Mike, I am embarressed to walk around with you looking like a slob, Mike YOU NEED A NEW LOOK!

Does that sound familar? I have heard those words hundreds of times since I married my lovely wife. Clearly she has not read the following or doesn’t understand men:

Men Are Just Happier People– What do you expect from such supreme creatures?

HAPPY MAN

Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress R5000. Tux rental-R100.

People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them. New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is R12.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

So please send this post to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it.

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Mike

Mike is an android man, researcher of all things good and bad, likes all wheeled sports, loves gadgets, enjoys all music, into home automation, likes samsung, voted brexit, enjoys talk radio, has a brompton bike, is a hard worker, a passionate self-educator, crazy about drones, a gambler, blogger for over 15 years, enjoys gardening, microsoft over apple, investor in stocks and cryptocurrency, a homeowner, a futurist, married for life, has family all over the world, a cat man do, loves beer, travel & life.

2 Responses

  1. blank Amother says:

    The above is so true. But so is the following :

    How to shower like a woman:

    Get in shower – use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
    Wash hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
    Wash hair again to make sure it is clean.
    Condition hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil, leave on hair for 15 minutes.
    Wash face with crushed apricot facial, scrub for 10 minutes until red.
    Wash entire rest of body with gingernut and jaffa cake body wash.
    Shave armpits and legs.
    Turn off shower.
    Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower, spray mould spots with Tilex.
    Get out of shower.
    Dry with towel the size of small country.
    Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
    Check entire body for spots, tweeze hairs.
    Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
    If you see husband along the way, cover any exposed areas.

    How to Shower like a Man:

    Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed.
    Leave in a pile.
    Walk naked to the bathroom.
    If you see wife along the way, shake knob at her making woo-hoo sound.
    Look at manly physique in the mirror.
    Admire the size of your knob and scratch your ass.
    Get in the shower.
    Wash your face.
    Wash your armpits.
    Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
    Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
    Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
    Wash your butt leaving those coarse hairs stuck on the soap.
    Shampoo hair. Make shampoo mohawk.
    Pee.
    Rinse off shampoo and get out of shower.
    Partially dry off.
    Fail to notice water on floor.
    Admire knob size in mirror again.
    Leave shower door open, wet mat on floor, light on and fan on.
    Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
    If you pass your wife, pull off towel, shake knob at her and make woo-hoo noises again.
    Throw wet towel on bed.

  2. blank Mike says:

    Ha Ha Ha!!!! So very true!!!!

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